Today I’m going to tell the story of my family in India. But wait? You don´t have family in India! Aren’t you Spanish? Let me explain.
In July 2011 I arrived in Jaisalmer in Rajasthan (India) as part of a longer trip I did around the world for 7 months visiting countries from 4 different continents (that’s a different story).
I got to Jaisalmer in the middle of the summer. Jaisalmer is a small charming city in the middle of the desert. It’s entirely yellow, built with yellow stones and its city center is inside a fort of yellow stone walls. It is purely what you expect of a desert fantasy kingdom in the middle of nowhere.
And yes, if you were wondering, in the middle of the summer: the heat is quite extreme there. I arrived sweating at 3am in a night bus after a long ‘several hours’ bus ride. It was a bus with beds where you lay down completely. You don’t see this very often. The bed compartments were a coffin-style thing hanging on top of the regular passenger seats. Of course, no seatbelts or anything like that. Hitting the sides of your heat coffin in every turn was an exhilarating experience. Once in a while you could open your window, breathe some hot refreshing air and pass out for a couple more hours. Disclaimer: I took these night buses in colder weather and they are actually quite nice to travel long distances while sleeping horizontally. With the hot summer weather in the desert they are a little more ‘fun’ haha.
Ok, back to our story. So I arrived in Jaisalmer, the yellow desert city, with yellow houses and yellow walls taken out of a fantastic tale. I went out for a walk. Visited the fort, the stunning desert views, the little shops, took photos, stopped for a refreshing Sprite, continued the visit, another Sprite. It’s actually a very pretty city. The architecture and buildings have so much detail on them. The doors are sculpted like a piece of art as well as every facade of every building.
Fast forward, after some good times visiting the city for a couple days I was walking around with my camera in search of some good photo opportunities but quite exhausted by the heat. The fort’s entrance is where most street merchants congregate, selling handmade jewelry, music instruments and all kinds of Rajasthani souvenirs. Some women started to call me from a distance making gestures like “come here, come here” trying I guess to sell me some of their jewelry and souvenirs.
They were smiling, friendly and had the look on their face of being good people haha, so I approached them to see what they wanted. There was the whole family: kids, grandparents, husbands, uncles, wives, cousins, etc sitting on the floor with some umbrellas protecting them from the harsh sun. They were dressed in really colourful sarees, traditional Rajasthani clothes, beautiful jewelry. I was quickly drawn by their spontaneity.
As soon as I got there they started to show me all the jewels they had to offer. 2, 3 women were quickly gathering and showing me all their best things: Bracelets, earrings, feet bracelets, made out of silver or silver-alike metal. I wasn’t too interested in the jewelry but took a look anyway. They seemed like funny, smiling and nice people, hard to say no, so I stayed around for a bit. I told them I wasn’t very interested in buying jewelry at the moment, but they told me that was ok. I ended up buying two bracelets haha. Then I told them I was already ok with the buying.
They stopped offering things and told me why not sit there with them and talk for a bit. They genuinely looked like they wanted to hang out, talk and share a bit of our different worlds together for a bit. So, why not? I sat there with them and “talked” for a while in the universal language of signs trying to understand each other by the looks, gestures and very basic English terms. I ended up staying there several hours talking about everything, playing with the children, sharing some good laughs. They were warm-hearted people.
By smiling, having fun and trying we ended up having a somewhat interesting conversation while having a lot of fun. One of their husbands, named Jagdish, showed me the handmade Ravanathas he made himself (very beautiful handmade wooden Indian violins) and tried to teach me how to play it. I couldn’t get out anything non-strident from it… but it was nice of him trying to educate me on the Indian music style. I got a few notes right though.
They told me to take some photos together. I also snapped a few portraits of them while we were talking. Kids had a lot of fun seeing themselves in the camera too and we had fun with the photos overall. One of the women wanted a photo with my sunglasses too. It was funny, the mixture between tradition and modern sunglasses. We all ended up having a family group portrait all together. So after a couple hours of sharing some smiles, music and talk with them it was time to say goodbye.
One of the men, my Ravanatha (violin) teacher Jagdish, and his wife told me to write my phone number in his small notebook. He didn’t know how to read, but he told me he’d figure it out with someone’s help. I asked for his number to keep in touch but he told me he didn’t have a phone. He told me sometimes he collects and saves some coins and calls me from a public phone. I felt a bit bad for that, knowing how little resources they had, but honoured at the same time.
I asked them their address so I could send them some of the pictures printed so they can keep them as a memory of our time together and because I knew they would appreciate having some pictures of their family together.
They told me they don’t have an address. What about somewhere near home where I can send them? “No. We don’t have a home. We live on the street”
That was heartbreaking. I felt a sharp pain inside of me, inside my stomach, that almost made me cry and had to resist the urge to break into tears. Knowing a whole family you just personally knew, personally connected with, didn’t have a home to go back to, neither did their children; feels terribly bad. It’s a sudden hit of reality that makes you feel horrible. And what’s worse, you know that’s the everyday reality of many people across India and in so many other places of the world.
It’s frightening as a society, how we easily get blinded, coldhearted and immune to these facts and realities even though we know they exist all over the world. But they are only numbers. They are unknown people. That’s why it’s so important the labour of awareness and information about the real people, the personal stories about those who suffer in different parts of the world. Knowing these smiling, warm-hearted people with whom I just shared such a good time they didn’t have a home to come back to after a hard day of work is just speechless.
And he wanted to collect coins to call me from a public phone… sighs… Anyway during all this they didn’t lose their smile for a second, their friendliness, their energetic way of being. So little they have and so much they give. So cliché and so real at the same time. Fast, deep learned lessons of traveling and meeting different realities. Every time I find myself complaining about small ridiculous details I stop and rethink.
After this I hugged him while inside my head thoughts were going fast thinking about all this, assimilating all this, trying to come up with some sort of solution. Something I could do to help these people in some way. It feels helpless to know you can’t change their lives in a moment. But definitely you can help something. You surely can have some type of empathy and kindness. Do something, although little and almost worthless leaves a positive ripple on their lives. I was already leaving on a bus quite soon, so didn’t have much time left. I knew whatever I did was too little.
Prior to this, while we were hanging out he mentioned he had some of the instruments he made for sale. As it was one of my last stops of my long-term travel, thought that was a nice thing to take home and remember these people while helping them a bit. By the previous interaction with them, I knew they wouldn’t accept cash by itself and wouldn’t like me to give them ‘charity’. So I asked for the best instrument (hence the most expensive and profitable for them). He wanted to give me his own Ravanatha as a special thing for me. The one he played so virtuously, which was a beautiful well made wooden piece, with colourful decorations and days of work on it. I told him I didn’t want to keep his own instrument and leave him without it. But he told me he had more at home and needed to make new ones anyway.
He even told me that he wanted to give it to me for a special price. No, no, no way. I was already thinking of the very minimum way I could help them before leaving on the bus and obviously a discount wasn’t the way. So I basically got my wallet and took all the money I had in cash and gave it to them for the instrument. He told me it was too much for the Ravanatha. So they gave me some more jewelry as the only way they agreed to keep the money.
By that time I was young and already quite broke after all the traveling. Wished I could have helped them more or come up with something more meaningful… Something better, something more, but everything was too unexpected, too fast. But it kept me thinking and reflecting. It was a sweet and sour feeling all this. Sweet as the great time, and great people I met and connected with. And sour learning about their true difficult reality. It was so moving knowing they had barely nothing, but at the same time they had that never-ending true smile on their faces and such a contagious happiness, positive attitude towards life. It makes you think for a while.
So the time for a goodbye came. And I hugged all of them and thanked them for everything they did and their precious time spent with me. They thanked me as they said they had a really good time. I was happy to know, even though I couldn’t help much in their overall life we shared a bit of our lives, connected and enjoyed some laughs, smiles and good times together.
I was truly the one a bit sad on the inside although happy for meeting them. They looked like they were truly and really happy people despite everything. More reflecting, more thinking…
They told me they would call me. And told me to please come back to Jaisalmer someday so they could cook a meal and share it together along with some tea. I’d love to, but knew the odds were slim of meeting again soon. But I said that 100% if I ever came back I would look out for them.
So I was returning back home. And had all these people in my head. It was such a short but intense and powerful experience. They were really nice people. I was thinking of ways of, at the very least try to give them some printed copies of the photos, as I knew it was a memory they would love to keep, as they previously told me.
He gave me the email of a person in town. Which I could try to contact and send him the pictures and hope he later would give them to these people. But even they told me it could or couldn’t happen. Mmmh chances were a bit slim.
So once I was back in Spain the opportunity out of the blue came up. Two friends were traveling a few months later to India. And they were going to Jaisalmer! So I printed the photos of them, their family and us, and gave it to these friends in hopes they would find them identifying them by the actual photo, on the same area I found them.
It could or could not happen, but it was worth trying. So I gave them the prints. And voilá! They found them in the same area, and personally handed the photos a couple months later. Apparently they were baffled and excited about it. I was happy to know they could get them as a good memory of them, their kids. They barely have any photos of them. And it’s something they really appreciate.
I told my friends to tell them I was practicing already with the Ravanatha (the wooden violin) and I remembered them quite a lot. And that I hoped to see them again.
After all that, I was already back in Spain. Life went on. Time passed.
One day many months later I received a call from a very strange number. I picked it up.
‘Hello? Alejandroo?’ I could barely hear. I was like what, who is this? I couldn’t understand anything.
And soon I realized the Indian accent. ‘Jagdish????? Is it you??’ O my goodness hahaha. ‘Heyy. Hello!’ I was asking how they were doing, what’s up? We could barely understand each other. We just shared like hellos, heys and he couldn’t understand much from me, nor I from him. But we talked and communicated even without understanding our real words. What an incredible surprise. He saved some coins and called me from India to my phone in Spain to know how I was doing… speechless…
Obviously, being an international call, it lasted like 1 minute before running out of credit. But was enough to say lots of things without even saying them.
After that call during the following 4 years he called me occasionally once every 8-10 months from public phones. We had these awkward, hard to understand and uplifting 1-2 minute conversations. I could pick up things like ‘We remember you Alejandro’ and tried to get across, that I remembered them too! Also he told me he moved for some time to Goa to sell ravanathas to the tourists. One time he called and told me ‘I have a phone!’ So after that when he called me I hung up and called him back so he didn’t spend money and we could ‘talk’ longer. And finally I could start calling him once in a while too on my side!
So we had these calls going on once every many months for the course of 4 years. Until one day the phone number I had for him said it was no longer in service. And I didn’t hear from him since then.
In 2015 I returned to India. This time I went to Bombay and Kerala (so mainly the Southern part). I traveled there with two friends. After we were done with that trip I decided to go back to Rajasthan. Partly to shoot some other photos of special places I remembered and to try discover a deeper side of Rajasthan. And partly of course, back in my mind, I had the hope and was longing to meet these people again in Jaisalmer. Jagdish wasn’t answering the phone for the last year, so I knew he could well live in a different city or who knows. But back in my thoughts was the hope of seeing them again after all these 4 years. Wouldn’t that be great?
I spent some time discovering the desert. Met Shiva and his desert town whose story I’ll tell you in another post. Saw a camel race in the desert. And after that I went back to Jaisalmer city. I spent 2 days walking around the village. I went to the place I met them years before with no luck. I even found some familiar faces of merchants who were near them last time. I asked around to see if someone knew where they were.
The language barrier was quite high. So in the end, after telling their name, making gestures and trying to get my message across: the most I got from other merchants was something like they weren’t there. ‘No, not here anymore’. Of course many of them didn’t have a clue of what I was asking and others seemed to try telling me they were not there anymore…
So I spent my last 2 days before leaving hoping that I could somehow find them, walking around town, asking, taking some photos here and there. But after many walks around Jaisalmer and visiting pretty much everything again, the hope of seeing them was a bit shattered.
Trip to Jaisalmer was great. Amazing indeed. But besides all the good, there was that little ‘sad’ thing. Not being able to reconnect again with these people. Was a bit of a bummer. But hey… that’s it. Maybe at another time.
So having seen most of it already and having already tried to find these people everywhere I could, I bought my return bus ticket for that afternoon to head back towards Delhi. Yeah, the night sleeper bus of last time haha. That one! Much nicer temperature this time of the year by the way (February).
I had the bus like in 2-3 hours. So in the meantime to fill up the time, I decided to go to one of the few places I still had left to visit: The Gadisar lake. I went there by autorickshaw. Went walking through an alleyway and ended up at the lake. Took a few photos and a short walk around there and headed back through the alleyway to pick an autorickshaw. There were some people selling things on the way out from the lake so I was looking for a few souvenirs here and there on my way back as I was already leaving.
While I was walking I suddenly heard behind me, a bit in the distance: “Alejandrooo!?” I was a bit confused. It’s quite strange hearing that Spanish name in India, in an Indian accent suddenly. ‘What?’ At first I couldn’t understand well what was happening. I turned around trying to find the origin of that voice. “Alejandrooo?!” I heard again. It was something between a question and a surprised voice. I was looking everywhere, like ‘is that for me?’ How could it be…? The voice was actually somehow familiar.
Then I found who was calling me. Leaning against a wall filled with wooden Ravanathas on display, same face as age hadn’t gone through him with a gesture of uncertainty and incredulity, as if thinking: ‘is it you at all?’ (I had a grown beard and my face was probably already a bit different…)
‘Jagdish?!?!?!’ I yelled with incredulity and excitement. ‘Oh my god!! It’s you!!?’ I couldn’t believe it. I went directly and hugged him.
It had been more than a year since we last talked on the phone. More than 4 years since we had met and seen each other. He sees and talks literally to thousands of tourists every month, every year. I couldn’t believe he even remembered my name (which is quite a difficult one in another language) I was even a bit changed physically already from those years. And he remembered and recognized me from a distance? In a totally unexpected place, miles away from the city center of Jaisalmer. What were the chances??
I was pretty much already leaving Jaisalmer, my very last hours there, with the assumed idea that I wasn’t going to see them. I very randomly got an autorickshaw there even though I was very tired, just because it was the only place left to visit around and to make some use of the time.
And there you go! In the very last minute there he was with his big smile and his Ravanathas: Jagdish after all these years hahaha. So unbelievable!
After hugging him and all the incredulity moments and shock faces with a huge smile from side to side of both of us; I explained I had been asking about him in town for days and everybody told me he was not there. He told me that he is not in the Jaisalmer fort anymore and that’s what probably they were meaning by ‘not here’. He goes to the lake every day now. I had assumed that he was probably in a different city or in Goa. He told me he came back from Goa a few months ago actually.
Then he told me I should go to their home to have dinner and celebrate that night! Home?? I was so happy to hear that! So apparently they already got somewhere to stay a while back. Things were going better. I couldn’t stand the inner feeling of happiness for them at that moment. Such a great feeling hearing that. Meeting him. There he was. Still couldn’t believe it. Neither him, I think.
So he told me to join him and go see someone else who was there at the lake. Then I saw her. ‘Fulli’!!! There she was with the same colourful and beautiful saree covering her, selling the same type of jewelry I bought years back! So exciting meeting all of them! I started to ask about everyone else. They were at home!
We stayed there standing up, exchanging a bit of our gesture based conversation and trying to talk whatever we could understand from each other in a somehow invented language for the occasion. Not understanding many words indeed haha. Just the smiles and the look in our eyes while trying to talk meant a lot and said so much of how we all felt, how incredibly excited we all were about that incredible and unexpected encounter.
They saw I had my camera on me and pointed it out. She told me if I wanted to go shoot some photos with them at the lake. “Good photos for you!” They knew as a photographer I would love it and they wanted to help me in some way as they already knew I was trying to make it into photography from last time we met. “Oh well, yeah of course. Why not? Great!” I was a bit nervous haha.
They asked some friends to take care of their street shops and left their business for a while to come with me and shoot some photos together. Jagdish picked up his Ravanatha and we did a couple photos in one of the stone temples. We returned to their shops and they told me to join them for dinner and go to their home that night to celebrate together, see the rest of the family and hang out for a bit.
With all the excitement I totally forgot I had a bus like in 1 hour to leave the town. And I didn’t have any accommodation for the night. But after all that? I couldn’t leave right when I met them. So I told them of course! I would try to change the ticket and if not we’d see what I do.
It was already a bit late so they told me they would come with me to try to change the ticket at the bus station and help manage that. Their friends told them they’d help them pack all the shop so they didn’t have to worry.
We picked an autorickshaw and the three of us went to the bus station. When I stopped for a bit and looked at them. Being the three of us there in the rickshaw, after all those years, together… It was so unbelievable and so amazing at the same time.
In the bus station, Jagdish explained the situation and he managed to change my ticket for the next day! So there we go. I went to my last hotel where I had my luggage stored and managed to extend it for one more night. All set!
From there we went the three of us directly to their home. We were walking together, climbing up the hill where they lived, with a smile on our faces we couldn’t stop. You could tell, the true and genuine happiness we were experiencing. It was really the same energy and feeling as a family that gets reunited for a special occasion after not seeing each other for a long period of time. That same family warmth.
So we arrived at their home. A very small, humble place made out of adobe, but a home at least; somewhere to go back after a hard day of work and reunite as a family under the same roof. A step forward from the streets definitely, but not the last step. They definitely deserve more. They deserve better conditions. It’s much better than 4 years ago and things were apparently getting better, but still… keeps you thinking about it. They deserve more than that.
Just when we arrived there I found them running and playing around: The kids!! They were already so big! Those babies turned into little boys and girls. Some new baby additions to the family too. We started preparing the fire to cook some dinner, and in the meantime we all played with the kids, danced to the music of Jagdish playing the Ravanatha and shared some more smiles and fun time. We were feeling so good at that moment. He tried to teach me a few more tricks with the Ravanatha to keep practicing back at home too. We were all sitting around the home’s front yard.
Then the other families started to join. And I met some of the other people who were with us 4 years back. Once we all got reunited we started celebrating. They wanted to put on their traditional clothes and we threw all together a pure Indian-style party dinner. We all sang, danced to the music of the drums and Ravanatha. Adults singing and playing instruments, kids dancing all over and over and we all got in the mood. Having a lot of fun, sharing tons of laughs. Dancing together and enjoying as a once again reunited family.
Dinner was ready. We enjoyed some of the most spicy curry I ever tried. But it was really delicious. Purely home-style Indian curry cooked on a wood fire. When it started to get late kids gradually started to fall asleep according to their ages, until we only remained the adults. We had then a more relaxed good talk, communicating each time better between us even without a specific language. Just with the eyes, we were already understanding most of it. Fulli went inside home and took an old wooden chest, it looked actually like a treasure chest. She wanted to show me something. She opened it and there she had all the precious memories she had been compiling along the years. Paper cuts of hand-written things, photos, etc. She browsed through them and she picked it up: the photo of all of us together. The one I sent her through my friends 4 years ago. She had it there in her precious memory treasure chest. That was moving. Made me smile again. After that one she started taking out all the other photos we took together.
So we stayed up till late. It was already dark. The stars were shining intensely and brightly. There was a deep silence, which contrasted with the previous party sound. It was a bit cold, and the smallest baby was sleeping on Fulli’s arms so we went inside. We crouched to get in through the small door. You couldn’t stand up inside because of the ceiling height. We got in and sat down together on the floor. The house was a small circle-shaped cubicle, pretty much the size of a small room. With the particularity that it was the one and only room of the house. Living room, kids bedroom, parents bedroom, kitchen, store room; all at the same time. Fulli’s family was living there: 5 kids and the two parents. The floor was directly the muddy ground, so some carpets protected from sitting directly on it. Adobe walls made out of mud and straw. Everything was well positioned, tidy, well taken care of, with love. Some wooden boxes on one side, some cookware, spices and food storage on the other side, some tidy piled clothes next to us. A small old TV on a small wooden table in front. The 5 kids were already sleeping on the ground next to us on a mix of colourful mattresses which served as a commonly shared bed for the whole family.
There we stayed in a calm and peaceful silence, sitting on the floor, Fulli, her husband and me talking in whispers. We stayed there for a while trying not to wake up the kids, showing each other memories, sharing some of our culture and talking about life in our newly created family language mixture of signs, looks, smiles and few words.
It was time to say goodbye. We spent a long time before parting ways. Hugs, smiles and mutual invitations to see each other once again sometime. I helped them as much as I could with what I had while thinking in my head how to help in the longer term. We said goodbye, promising to see each other once again for sharing more dinners, fun and experiences together. Needless to say I can’t wait to see them again soon.
It’s difficult to describe how wonderful and what a beautiful and rewarding night I spent along with them that day. Something that will truly last forever in my mind. So many feelings, so many things hard to describe. I felt at home, I felt with family, I felt part of that heartwarming newly created home. That’s my Indian family. That’s my little family somewhere in the yellow city of yellow houses made out of yellow stones: Jaisalmer.
Thanks Fulli, thanks Jagdish, thanks India for making me feel part of your home, part of your lives. Can’t wait to be back.
